Tim and the Tin Titan


5ives: Merlin's Lists of Five Things


"Five great reasons to buy a Hummerâ„¢
1- You've been wanting to buy much wider groceries (but have been stymied by the timid width of your Escalade)
2- You and your make-believe wife were thinking of having 11 or 12 imaginary kids
3- You're sick of always being the environment's goddamned bitch
4- You could totally put a keg back there and just drive around and shit
5- They were all out of penises


"Five disturbing fake names for ejaculate
1- La Salsa Hombre
2- Onan's Bernaise
3- Love Pollution
4- Saint Mayo's Spread of Desperation
5- Instant Daddy Mix